"In addition to the daily accumulation of knowledge, another decisive factor affecting performance is mentality." With the arrival of the examination season, the public account "Psychlone", which is independently operated by the students of Shanghai Jianping Middle School Psychological Society, recently published such an article to discuss ways to alleviate exam anxiety.
After analyzing the "loser mentality", "player mentality" and "winner mentality", the article believes that the most "advanced" is the last one: pay attention to what you get in the exam, and use the experience you get to prepare for the next exam; Optimistic and motivated students often appear in the upper ranks of the examination.
After a long time of online class life and returning to school not long ago, the change of academic performance has become the primary source of psychological pressure for middle school students. Huang Ying, the person in charge of "Psychlone", told the reporter of Zhongqing Daily and Zhongqing. com that many students had "earth shaking" results after the school began: some "backward students" worked very hard during the online class and made great progress after the school began; Some former excellent students are too conceited and can't resist the temptation of online games. After returning to school, the exam is "like learning again".
In addition to learning pressure, Huang Ying also summarized the parent-child relationship pressure, social pressure, emotional pressure and physical pressure that middle school students may encounter. "Especially during online classes, many students stayed with their parents all day long. Many students felt that their parents were too demanding of them, and they were upset to see their children everywhere.".
Look for support systems
Shen Hui, a senior psychological teacher of Shanghai Jincai Middle School with 27 years of work experience, found that when he realized that he was under great psychological pressure, current children were more willing to seek help from parents, teachers and professional institutions, while parents sometimes did not support their children's decisions.
Shen Hui told a representative example. During the epidemic, the way of online classes at home made a boy who was not good at socializing feel "particularly good" because he could avoid communicating with his classmates. But in fact, after contacting with his classmates, he came up with the idea that he was inferior to others everywhere, and he was a little depressed. He took the initiative to ask his parents to see a psychologist, but the parents did not think that this was a problem that had to be solved by going to the hospital. At the late stage of the epidemic, his parents finally took him to the hospital. The doctor prescribed a little "edible but not edible" medicine. The parents were afraid of the side effects of the medicine and resolutely refused to take it.
"The parents think that this is a problem that can be solved through their children's efforts, and they can not take medicine. The children think that even doctors can help me with medicine. Why do the parents firmly disagree?" Later, through the communication between teachers and parents, parents and children reached an agreement.
"Parents should not avoid their children's problems, but should give them real support." Shen Hui analyzed that children with high psychological pressure often feel their pain is beyond their parents' understanding, and their parents' empty words of "supporting you" seem powerless. "Parents should pay attention to the growth process of their children other than learning, explore their own ability to solve problems, and enhance their self-confidence. More often, they should not only tell their children that 'you can solve this problem', but really take specific methods to face the problem together.".
Cai Danyi, a psychology teacher at Pudong Foreign Language School affiliated to Shanghai Foreign Studies University, also stressed the importance of the "support system". In her opinion, the influence of peers on children's self-concept in junior and senior high school is often greater than that of parents and teachers. "Although online courses provide excellent teaching resources for students, schools and classes exist not only to acquire knowledge, but also to play a lot of roles in growth. Home learning is inevitably missing".
"It's been a long time since school began. I miss my school buddies." More than one middle school student told the reporter so. Huang Ying said: "Although we can chat on our mobile phones during online classes, it is different from the real events in school. We feel closer at school. We can talk about some trivial and interesting things, and even bees flying into the classroom can become a topic."
How to solve the problem of long distance? Cai Danyi found that some classes had invented a little trick: "clocking" was open 20 minutes before the online class officially started, and two students were on duty every day to be the "anchor". Sometimes, the "anchor" will play a song that he likes, talk about why he likes it, and then sing it with everyone; Sometimes I will introduce a precious item in my family and tell the story behind it. April is the psychological month of the school. The school invited an alumnus studying in the film major of New York University to remotely guide the students in junior two, senior one and senior two to write, direct and perform psychological dramas by themselves. Later, 16 classes completed this interesting "relay" assignment.
Don't mention "other people's children"
"My son is approaching the third day of his junior year. I hope he will stop playing games, but he asks me: What can I do without playing games when I relax?" Wu Yulan is a junior high school teacher with 20 years of teaching experience and 10 years of class teacher experience. But facing her son, she found that she still had a lot to communicate with him.
Like many families, the close coexistence of parents and children for several months in a row has led to many conflicts. Wu Yulan, who used to teach students to like "quick battles and quick decisions", now thinks that the way of "finishing what the teacher has said" is wrong. Since the discussion about playing games, she and her son have talked more and more deeply. "Now some children are really lonely. Some children are addicted to games and do not do their homework. This may be because their parents put too much pressure on them, or because their parents quarrel with each other. The children are not paid attention to and lack of love. This is what my son told me."
At school, Wu Yulan also met students who lacked love. There was a boy in the early grade who had been very active in school in the past and often came to the teacher's office to ask questions; During the epidemic at home, it was "out of control": no homework, no upload, and always prevaricate when receiving a teacher's call. The teachers learned later that the boy was usually taken care of by his grandmother at home. After his parents divorced, his mother was out of town, his father was not in charge, and his electronic equipment was always around, so he could not control his addiction to playing games.
Wu Yulan believes that the best way to solve this situation is to communicate with family members. Especially for children who are just entering puberty, parents should be good at observing whether there are abnormalities in their children's words and deeds and intervene as soon as possible. "When children grow up, they need to face up. The parent-child conflict is not like a learning problem, and they usually don't tell their peers. At this time, parents and teachers need to actively guide, communicate and open their hearts." Sure enough, the boy, comforted and encouraged by Wu Yulan, told her about his deep troubles.
"It is also important that parents do not compare other people's children with their own children, which may cause the children to close their hearts and ignore you."
This important suggestion comes from Wu Yulan's own experience. "Parents are also under great pressure in their work. When they come home to face their children's learning, they will inevitably feel unhappy, angry, and never satisfied. They think it is the children of other families who are good. My son liked to listen to me when he was a child, but now he doesn't want to listen to me. He feels that I am comparing him with other children."
Wu Yulan believes that parents, unlike teachers, tend to talk too directly to their children, which may hurt them. "After all, there are few obedient and sensible children. Parents should learn to lower their posture and talk calmly with their children. Learn to talk about the current situation of their children instead of talking about other people's children.".
Another thing Wu Yulan learned from her son is that parents and children should establish equal relations. "Teenagers actually know a lot of things, but adults have experienced more setbacks and lessons. In fact, adults can't completely overpower children, and children just need your advice. My son told me that he knew I was doing him good, but he didn't think I was absolutely right. I agree."
Growth is a lifelong thing
"Nowadays, children no longer worry about material things, but think more about spiritual things. Why should they read and live? Children lack motivation to learn without a relatively clear answer." Cai Danyi has been working as a psychology teacher for 18 years, which is the sentiment she gained from communicating with this generation of students.
"Doing something is either meaningful or interesting. Learning is not so interesting for most children, which requires a sense of purpose and meaning." In Cai Danyi's opinion, many parents have been used to working, earning money, and supporting their families. They also want to ask their children to study hard, but they can't understand that their children don't care about material things so much. Some parents ask their children to study hard while they just brush their mobile phones after work, which makes their children feel that life seems to have no goal and meaning.
Cai Danyi believes that if parents only require their children to have good academic performance, then when they spend a lot of energy to reach their goals, the negative impact on children will be very great. "Sometimes the stress is not the key, but the key is that the child does not find the sense of purpose and meaning in life. If there is a goal, the pressure will naturally turn into motivation".
"Growth is a lifelong thing." Cai Danyi concluded. Children are watching their parents and teachers to decide what kind of people they will become in the future. In life, they will learn how to deal with emotions. She once met a child who ran away from home. Later, when she asked, the child did not think it was running away from home. "Because the child saw his mother fall out of the door after a quarrel, and it took him a long time to go home, so he took it for granted that when he was angry, he should deal with it this way."
How to turn learning pressure into motivation? Wu Yulan also has an experience. In her opinion, parents and teachers should appropriately put forward some small requirements according to their children's learning ability, instead of demanding too much at once. "With a little proper pressure, children can grow up happily; without any pressure, they are also easy to bear poor ability when they grow up."
In school, Wu Yulan always encourages students to behave first and then study. "It doesn't matter whether your learning ability is strong or weak. As long as a person is positive, positive and looks sunny, people around you will gradually accept you." Students who graduated for many years came back to see her and said, "It is more important to be a good person than to study hard". "Among the students I have taught, some have graduated from master's, undergraduate and vocational schools. They have done well in their jobs and achieved the goal of educating people." She said with a smile.
