"In addition to the daily accumulation of knowledge, another decisive factor affecting the performance is the mentality." With the arrival of the exam season, the official account of the psychology society of Jianping Middle School in Shanghai, "Psychlone", which is independently operated by students, recently published such an article to explore ways to alleviate exam anxiety.
After analyzing the "loser mentality", "player mentality", and "winner mentality", the article believes that the most advanced one is the last one: pay attention to what you have gained in the exam and use the experience you have gained to prepare for the next exam; Optimistic and motivated classmates often appear at the top of the exam rankings.
After experiencing a long period of online classes and returning to school recently, changes in academic performance have become the primary source of psychological pressure for middle school students. Huang Ying, the person in charge of 'Lost Heart Psychlone', told China Youth Daily and China Youth Network that many students' grades after the start of school were 'groundbreaking': some 'underachievers' worked very hard and made great progress during online classes; Some students who had previously achieved excellent grades were too arrogant and unable to resist the temptation of online games. After returning to school, the exam was "like learning again".
In addition to academic pressure, Huang Ying also summarized the possible parental, social, emotional, and physical pressures that middle school students may encounter. Especially during online classes, many students spend all day with their parents. They feel that their parents have too high demands on them, and they find it frustrating to see their children everywhere.
Finding Support Systems
Shen Hui, a senior psychological teacher at Shanghai Jincai Middle School with 27 years of work experience, found that when she perceives her psychological stress, children nowadays are more willing to seek help from parents, teachers, and professional organizations, while parents sometimes do not support their children's decisions.
Shen Hui gave a representative example. During the epidemic, the method of taking online classes at home made a boy who was originally not good at socializing feel "particularly good" because he could avoid socializing with his classmates. In fact, after interacting with his classmates, he developed the idea that he was inferior to others in every way, and his mood was somewhat depressed. He took the initiative to ask his parents to see a psychologist, but they did not believe that this was a problem that had to be solved by going to a hospital. In the later stage of the epidemic, his parents finally took him to the hospital. The doctor prescribed some "can eat but not eat" drugs, but the parents were afraid that the drugs would have side effects and firmly refused to take them.
Parents believe that this is a problem that can be solved through their children's efforts, and they can avoid taking medication. On the other hand, children believe that even doctors can use medication to help me. Why do parents firmly disagree? Later, through communication between the teacher and parents, a consensus was reached between the parents.
Parents should not avoid their children's problems, but should provide them with genuine support. Shen Hui analyzed that children with high psychological pressure often feel that their pain is beyond their parents' understanding, and their empty words of 'supporting you' appear powerless. Parents should attach importance to their children's growth process beyond learning, explore their own problem-solving abilities, and enhance their confidence. More often than not, they should not only tell their children that 'you can solve this problem', but also truly adopt specific methods to face the problem together.
Cai Danyi, a psychology teacher at Pudong Foreign Language School affiliated with Shanghai International Studies University, also emphasized the importance of a "support system". In her opinion, peers often have a greater impact on children's self-awareness in the early and high school stages than parents and teachers. Although online courses provide excellent teaching resources for students, the existence of schools and classes is not only for acquiring knowledge, but also has many functions for growth, and home-based learning is inevitably lacking.
It's been a long time since school started, I miss my school buddies, "more than one middle school student told reporters. Huang Ying said, "Although people can chat on their phones during online classes, it's still different from the real events happening in school. The feeling at school is more intimate, and we can talk about some trivial and interesting things. Even bees flying into the classroom can become a topic of conversation
How to solve the problem of distant companions? Cai Danyi found that some classes have invented their own tricks: they open "check-in" 20 minutes before the official start of online classes, and two classmates take turns on duty as "anchors" every day. The 'anchor' sometimes plays a song they like, explains why they like it, and then leads everyone to hum it; Sometimes they will introduce a precious item at home and tell the story behind it. April is the school's Psychological Month, and the school hired an alumnus studying film at New York University to remotely guide students in their second, first, and second year of junior high school to write, direct, and perform psychological dramas. Later, 16 classes completed this interesting "relay" assignment.
Don't mention 'other people's children' again
My son is almost in his third year of junior high school, and I hope he doesn't play games anymore, but he asks me: What else can I do without playing games when I relax? "Wu Yulan is a junior high school teacher with 20 years of teaching experience and 10 years of experience as a class teacher. However, when faced with her son, she finds that there are still many things she needs to communicate with him.
Like many families, months of close parent-child coexistence have led to many conflicts. In the past, Wu Yulan, who taught students to like "quick decisions", now feels that the approach of "the teacher finishes speaking and ends it" is incorrect. Starting from discussing the time to play games, she and her son became more and more in-depth in their conversation. Nowadays, some children are actually very lonely in their hearts. Some children become addicted to games and don't do homework, which may be due to the pressure exerted by their parents, or because parents argue with each other, and their children lack attention and love. This is what my son told me
At school, Wu Yulan also encountered students who lacked love. There is a boy in the early grades who has always been very positive in school and often comes to the teacher's office to ask questions; During the epidemic at home, I lost control: I didn't do homework, didn't upload, and always hesitated when I received phone calls from teachers. The teachers later learned that the boy is usually taken care of by his grandmother at home. After his parents divorced, his mother is away from home, and his father doesn't care much. With electronic devices always around, he can't control his addiction to playing games.
Wu Yulan believes that the best way to solve this situation is for family members to communicate with each other, especially for children who have just entered puberty. Parents should be good at observing whether there are any abnormalities in their children's words and actions and intervene as soon as possible. Children need face when they grow up, and parent-child conflicts are not like learning problems. They usually don't tell their peers. At this point, parents and teachers need to guide, communicate, and open their hearts. Sure enough, with the comfort and encouragement of Wu Yulan, the boy confided in her deep struggles.
Another important thing is that parents should not compare other people's children with their own children, as this may make their children close their hearts and ignore you
This important suggestion comes from Wu Yulan's personal experience. Parents are also under a lot of pressure in their work. When they come home to face their children's learning situation, it's inevitable that they feel unhappy and angry. They always feel that it's someone else's child who is better. When my son was young, he liked to listen to me talk about students, but now he doesn't want to listen anymore, feeling like I'm comparing him to other children
Wu Yulan believes that parents, unlike teachers, are prone to being overly direct when talking to their children, which may harm them. After all, there are few obedient and sensible children. Parents should learn to lower their figure and have a calm conversation with their children. They should learn to only talk about their children's current situation, rather than constantly mentioning other people's children.
Another thing Wu Yulan learned from her son is to establish an equal relationship between parents and children. Teenage children actually know a lot, and adults just have experienced more setbacks and lessons. In fact, adults cannot completely overwhelm children from their momentum, and children just need some advice from you. My son told me that he knows I'm doing it for him, but he doesn't think what I'm saying is definitely right. I agree with that
Growth is a lifelong thing
Nowadays, children are no longer worried about material things, but more about thinking about spiritual aspects. Why should they read and live? Children lack motivation to learn before they have a relatively clear answer. "Cai Danyi has been working as a psychology teacher for 18 years, which is the insights she has gained from communicating with this generation of students.
Doing something is either meaningful or interesting. Learning is not that interesting for most children, which requires a sense of purpose and meaning. In Cai Danyi's view, many parents have become accustomed to working, earning money, and supporting their families, and also naturally demand that their children study well and have a smooth future in their studies and work. However, they cannot understand that their children are not so concerned about material things. Some parents demand their children to study well while only brushing their phones after work, which makes them feel that life seems to have no purpose or meaning.
Cai Danyi believes that if parents only demand good academic performance from their children, the negative impact on their children will be significant when they spend a lot of effort but cannot achieve their goals. Sometimes high stress is not the key, the key is that children do not find a sense of purpose and meaning in life. If there are goals, stress will naturally transform into motivation.
Growth is a lifelong thing, "concluded Cai Danyi. Children look at their parents and teachers to decide what kind of person they will become in the future, and in life, they will develop ways to handle emotions through listening and watching. She once encountered a child who ran away from home, but when asked, the child didn't think it was a run away. "Because this child saw his mother arguing and slammed the door, it took him a long time to come home, so he naturally thought that if he was angry, he should handle it this way
How to turn learning pressure into motivation? Wu Yulan also has an experience. She believes that parents and teachers should make appropriate small demands based on their children's learning abilities, rather than suddenly demanding too much. With a bit of appropriate pressure, children can grow up happily; without pressure at all, they are also prone to poor resilience as they grow up
In school, Wu Yulan always encourages students to be human first and then learn. There are differences in learning abilities, and it doesn't matter. As long as a person has a positive attitude, a positive attitude, and looks sunny, the people around them will gradually accept you. "Graduates who have been studying for many years come back to see her and say," Being a good person is more important than studying well. Among the students I have taught, there are those who have graduated from master's, undergraduate, or vocational schools. They all do well in their job positions and achieve their educational goals, "she said with a smile.
